12/15/2017 6 Comments
The Man I prayed for at age 8
From a young age I use to think will he ever love me? Who is he you ask, I had no idea at the time. I was eight when the thoughts first flooded my head. I saw love in movies, between my parents, and my grandparents. But I often wondered how will my arm affect the way whoever he is, and his love for me. I talked about boys with my best friend Paige and we always talked about what they might think or say about our arms. We both worried, but knew it was far away. However, I said a prayer once. I prayed that one day someone would love me despite my arm, and love my arm, and most importantly hold it like it was an actual hand.
I knew I wouldn't have my left hand to put my wedding ring on and honestly I didn't care, I had another hand, but the most important thing was my prayer.
When I got to middle school, and high school of course I dated but it was easy for me to know when a guy was right because I looked back on my prayer. There were guys that said they were okay with my arm, there were guys that didn't say anything at all, and there were guys (particularly one) who said some nasty things about my arm. There was one time I wore a prosthetic because of those hurtful words. I wore it for a day and then decided he wasn't worth my time. There were guys that were really sweet about my arm, but something wasn't quite right. None of the guys I dated were the answer to my prayer.
So you are probably thinking, Sarah why are you writing this?
Well, I am writing this so that another little girl that says the same prayer, has the same worry, and same fear, can know that one day the man that will love you despite your difference, that will see you and love you through God's eyes instead of society's will come. Just wait.
Yeah you. You know who you are. Thank You.
I know you can't imagine anything else, because you don't see me through society's eyes. But really, you are a blessing. Your love, compassion, and continuous support is a blessing. Every time you grab my little arm and hold it, I think to myself, God answered my prayer. Every time you kiss it, I don't think you understand how much I want to burst into tears because you never once questioned any part of me. You never once looked at me as different. You deal with the stares and you win a lot of staring contests, haha. No but really. There is one more thing that I am beyond grateful for. You hold me accountable, you don't give up on me, and you don't let me say I can't. You help me figure out ways to do things, if I say I am worried about doing something or how I will zip up my kids coat, or if they will be bullied. You make sure that you help me figure out ways to do things, you taught me to climb a rock wall and how to figure out different ways for my little arm to grab onto the rock. You comfort me, and you always hold my little arm. Thank you. And when I had a one arm moment the other day as I tried to hold my phone, wallet, coffee, and try to open my car door all at the same time and dropped my Starbucks in the midst of it all. As tears formed in my eyes from my disappointment and frustration with myself failing due to my arm. You so kindly looked at me, kissed me, and said "don't worry sweets I drop things all the time and I have two hands." I have fears of course when it comes to having kids and how I will hold my coffee and push a stroller (because obviously I NEED my coffee) :) but I no longer fear them because I know that with you by my side, supporting me, you will always help me figure out a way for me.
Little girl & girls,
I know how you feel, you feel trapped and scared, you are worried he might not love you. Let me give you some advice.... if he doesn't love you for who YOU ARE, for who God has created you to be, then let him go. He isn't the one and you deserve better. Find a man that fills the shoes you need him to. That helps you figure difficult tasks out but let's you figure challenges out on your own too in order for you to grow stronger. Find a man that loves your difference and can't imagine you without it. Find a man that holds your little arm.
Also, don't go looking, he will come to you when God has it in his plan. But I promise you he is out there. He exists and he will love you and your difference more than you could ever imagine.
And ladies...... never change for a boy. DO NOT hide your difference just to date a boy you think you might like. Find a man that you are comfortable to be with. And to the boys with the nasty words and comments..... stand strong, stay courageous, and give them a piece of their own medicine and tell them to go see the movie wonder.
I love you all so much!
Thank you for your constant support.
Erin stears (Hailee's mom)
12/28/2017 04:59:03 pm
Thanks so much for all the words of encouragement! My daughter looks up to you so much! After watching you put your makeup on the other day she really has been practicing. It makes my Heart so happy to see her not give up! ❤️
12/28/2017 06:35:05 pm
Aweeee thank you for writing me!!! :) Always here for her if she needs anything!! :)
12/29/2017 08:19:36 am
Sarah you are so beautiful inside and out. I was close to tears reading this and yes I too drop thugs all the time So happy youvhave found the one you have been searching for. You deserve much happiness
1/9/2018 02:48:44 pm
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Well known for her love for Jesus, coffee, and having one arm. Sarah share's stories in her life in hope to help others. She wants you to know that,
"Our differences do not define who we are but are a part of the story that God has written for our lives."
Sarah says, " I hope that I can be someone to relate to in a world of untold real stories. Everything I write is from my heart and real."
"We are all created imperfectly perfect by God, we should be proud of our imperfections and differences, they make us who we are today but do not define us, know that you are beautiful and remind yourself of this everyday."