Have you ever found yourself searching for love? I found that a lot of people in college tend to search for love. What I want to remind you today is that Marriage is a calling; a holy covenant between God, your spouse, and yourself. Many times we become so focused on finding the right person or just a person and we forget that in the meantime our job is to BECOME the right person.
My husband Nathan will tell you of a time in college when he was asked "What qualities do you want in a spouse?" He wrote them all down on a piece of paper and then he was asked "As you read those qualities, do you think you're the man that that woman would want to be with?"
WOAH! Big question, right?!
Nathan realized at that moment that he wasn't where he needed to be to attract the type of woman he wanted to end up with. So what did he do? He started preparing, and really tried to focus on the areas of his life that he needed to work on. He wanted a woman strong in her faith, so what did he do? He dug into the word. He wanted a woman that was family focused, so what did he do? He began to spend extra time focusing on his own family relationships.
We dont walk into a college semester final or a big presentation at work without doing any preparing or studying the material, right?
Well I would hope not.
Likewise, we shouldn't walk into marriage without preparing. Many college students and even young adults will tell you "I am not ready for marriage" well if you never prepare yourself you won't be. In order for your marriage to be all that God designed it to be, make the decision to start preparing yourself NOW. We often spend so much time fantasizing, agonizing, and dreaming of the person we want to end up with. I think we all too often don't think enough about how we can prepare the person in the mirror to be ready when that special someone walks into their life, regardless of when that may be.
I remember in college I wanted to prepare myself. I always knew I wanted to get married at a young age so I did what I knew I needed to in order to be the best wife I could be. I read a lot of books on relationships. My favorites that personally helped me on this journey are below:
Ask God to help you become the husband/wife you are called to be, even if you are not already in that position.
To many, waiting might seem like wasting. But to God, waiting is preparation. I love the saying that I heard while listening to a pastor speak where he said, when you stop searching you will find that soon there will be someone chasing after God just as fast as you are and you will look over and know that it was in God's plan all along. God has so much work to do in you and in your future spouse. Then He will call you both together, probably when you least expect it.
When Nate and I met we were very focused on our jobs. Neither of us were searching. A week after going on a few dates Nate was offered a job all the way across the world in Germany and God spoke very clearly and told us that even after only a week of knowing each other this was it. Were we scared? Of Course! Nate was about to turn down an amazing opportunity. However, God's plan is always greater than we could ever imagine.
The books I shared above are great reads to help you prepare for marriage, but I also want to share a few other ways that I believe help you prepare.
Conquer your Insecurities
So many of us can't see the full potential that God has created us to be. Many of us struggle with insecurity and think we will never be enough. Do not give into the lies of the enemy. Rely on what God promises you. Put on that armor of God. You are worth more than you could ever imagine. Small tip: If a man makes you feel like anything less than amazing, don't marry him. stand strong in Faith and know that you are beautiful. I encourage you to write positive affirmations on your mirror so that you can be reminded every morning of how amazing you are. You are smart, beautiful, worthy, strong. Get rid of any negativity in your mind and replace it with the positive words of God.
When we are single we don't have to worry about others and being responsible for them. You can buy what you want, and do what you want. In marriage you need to learn to put God first, then your spouse and your children. They go above your needs. Life is not about you. Start with making your life more than just about you, and this mindset will flow into your marriage as a result of the changes you make now.
Through marriage you learn a lot about compromise. You won't always agree, trust me. Learn to care about your spouses feelings, wants, desires, and needs. Enter marriage with the mindset to give 100% and expect nothing in return. When both partners give 100%, the result is a beautiful, selfless, love-filled marriage that becomes a sanctuary for both the husband and wife.
We all know that friend, family member, co-worker, etc. that cannot say the word "sorry". People can be too proud to ever be wrong. Being humble takes an awful big person and those aren’t easy shoes to fill. Of course no one likes to be wrong, but we are not perfect humans and truly that is what makes the world so beautiful.
Learn to say sorry, pray for God to help you to be humble enough to admit your wrongs.
I recommend reading the book above called Sacred Sex. But no matter what culture tries to sell you, or your friends try to tell you, purity is always best. Sex is Holy and Sacred. Even if you haven’t saved yourself, purity begins the day you decide it to put aside your human nature and culture’s ideas. Purity truly is a higher calling that is so hard to maintain, yet not impossible. But don’t be fooled, purity of the heart and mind is just as important as physical purity.
I have heard that the main reason why couples argue revolves around Money. Learn to manage your money now so that in your marriage it will be easier. Maybe listen to a few podcasts by Dave Ramsey or read one of his books. If you have poor money management skills it will put strain and stress on your marriage especially when kids come along. Once you are married, it's no longer "my money" or "their money." It becomes "our money" and when you choose to manage it together, you undoubtedly will have more success.
God's Idea of Marriage
Learn God’s design for marriage now to benefit you later on down the road. The Bible is the best resource to find advice on marriage. Pray. Ask God to make you the kind of wife or husband that your future spouse needs. Ask Him to hep prepare you and build that foundation of rock. Instead of focusing so much on finding the right person, focus on becoming the right person.
Homemaker & Managing the Home
When I think of a homemaker I think of my grandma or Martha in the Bible. When you are single little things like cooking might not seem like a big deal to you. When you are young and married and money might be tight so home cooked meals and leftover are a saver. Also budget budget budget. I’m telling you, this area matters more than you realize, start preparing now!
Right now, even if you don’t have the slightest idea who you will marry someday, you can start praying for your spouse. Prayer is what will get you both through the hardest times in your life. Whatever obstacles life may throw at you, you can face it hand in hand in prayer. Prayer connects you and your future spouse even before you find them. Pray also to become the kind of husband/wife that your future spouse needs. Prayer is the most powerful thing you can do to prepare for marriage.
Hope this helps you Prepare For Marriage!
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Hi there, I'm Sarah. I'm a writer, speaker, wife, daughter, and most importantly, a sister and friend. My hope is that through blogs, and my posts you will leave here encouraged and know that you were created with a Purpose. My hope is that you leave here feeling loved by Jesus.