Today was a day when being “different” became too much. Yet I had to tell myself “Sarah you are strong enough.”
It is senior year, I am taking speech class. I have prepared and given public speeches for over a year now. Although in this class I somehow for the first time in my twelve years of school feel like an outcast. While giving a speech you use hand gestures to talk. I use them just like any other student, although I use my little arm instead of a “normal” hand. I have heard from other students on my critique that my arm is “distracting”, told not to touch my “nub” and maybe try to put my arm to my side. The what I call N word "nub" has never been used in my vocabulary and myself I find the word very offensive. I refer to my arm as my little arm. As much as I try to ignore the comments and just be me; I cannot help but continue to try and improve this. Every day we all want to improve, so I tried to not hold my little arm while speaking, but even trying to do that it is natural for me to touch it and use it. Being told that a part of you that you have no control over changing is distracting to the audience is hurtful.
Looking through the broken glass.
I walked down the hall as fast as I could tears in my eyes. This does not happen often but there are days when I no longer feel strong enough to hold everything together. I thought in my head, “Sarah you are “different”. “ I often forget that I look different from those around me, until I look in the mirror. After I ran down the hall I went straight to the bathroom, went to the mirror and stood there for a minute just observing what I saw. Tears streaming down my face I realized how different I truly was. I pulled down my sleeve so I no longer saw my arm and cried harder. I asked myself, “would I be better with two?” I so badly wanted to go put on my prosthetic look like everyone else. And then I remembered I put on the prosthetic I would no longer be my true self. Then I rolled my sleeve back up, stepped closer to the mirror and said to myself, “YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH.” I may have not felt strong but I knew I had to pull myself together. I thought to myself, why anyone can’t understand, I wanted to call Paige but she is 8, 256 miles away from me. The one person who has been through every trouble I have had and cried with me. But in this I saw that I am different but if I did not have one arm, I would no longer be me.
Feeling broken is not a bad thing, it helps us remember why we are different. It allowed me to remember God knew I would face this obstacle and it would change me into a better person. Sometimes we need to break down, we need to have moments that we do not feel strong enough for the situation. Because when you look through that glass and it is no longer broken you know that God has a plan for you. Although I feel shaken from this event I know it that it will only help me in the future, it is a stepping stone in a learning process. I learned no matter the situation I must hold up my head and BE STRONG.
Next time you face and opstacle like this just remember that you are not alone.
Verse of the Day
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” –Deuteronomy 31:6
Well known for her love for Jesus, coffee, and having one arm. Sarah share's stories in her life in hope to help others. She wants you to know that,
"Our differences do not define who we are but are a part of the story that God has written for our lives."
Sarah says, " I hope that I can be someone to relate to in a world of untold real stories. Everything I write is from my heart and real."
"We are all created imperfectly perfect by God, we should be proud of our imperfections and differences, they make us who we are today but do not define us, know that you are beautiful and remind yourself of this everyday."